I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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