Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
