Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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