names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
