What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
