You're my little dorito
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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