; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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