May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
