There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
