There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
