The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
