mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
