I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
