bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
