Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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