I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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