What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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