Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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