the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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