U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
