Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
