This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
