I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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