Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
