but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Naked. naked and bneed help.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
