And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
