did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
