I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
