Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
