Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
