I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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