i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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