All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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