There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
