Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
