he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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