He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
