I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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