meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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