Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
