She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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