Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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