Please, let me fuck your mom
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
