My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
