the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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