Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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