Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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