Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
