Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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