Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well you can't waste a boner
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
