The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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