I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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